The Questions Nobody Asked
Advice says: I already know what this means and what you should do. Curiosity says: help me understand what this is like for you.

Advice says: I already know what this means and what you should do. Curiosity says: help me understand what this is like for you.

There's a sentence estranged parents hear that lands like a verdict: you knew better, and you just didn't do better.

Many parents believe they're helping while unknowingly teaching a child that love is contingent on self-correction. That if they can just be a little less emotional, the relationship will finally feel peaceful. That isn't peace. That's adaptation.

Fitting in asks the child to determine who they need to be in the relationship. Belonging allows the child to remain recognizable to themselves. If fitting in was the price of attachment, learning to belong to oneself may initially require distance.